You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
