Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
