and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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