I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
