I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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