Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize