A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
