Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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