um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
