party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
