kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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