she woke up with a sticky ear
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
