Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
