You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
