But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize