I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
