Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
