so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
