Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
