I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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