I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
