Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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