is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
