what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
