the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
