you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
