alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
