wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
