I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
