I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
