i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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