he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
