I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
