it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize