New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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