I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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