Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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