I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
