No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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