So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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