Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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