I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
