So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
