I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize