Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
