Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
