I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
