discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
