OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
