NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's blow job season.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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