i already hear my dad disowning me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
