Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
