i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize