If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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