i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i drank out of a bidet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
