That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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