The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
