I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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