why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
