Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
