break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
