She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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