Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
