ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
