The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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