Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
