she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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