VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
